by Thomas Merton (1915-1968)

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.

I do not see the road ahead of me.

I cannot know where it will end.

Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.

But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.

And I hope I have that desire in all I am doing.

I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.

And I know that if I do this, you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore, I will trust you always, though I may seem to be lost in the shadow of death.

I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

Amen.

(from Thoughts in Solitude)

Trivia for the Day:

The Abbey of Our Lady of Gethsemani which was home for Thomas Merton from 1941 to 1968 is the oldest monastery still in operation in the United States located in Bardstown, Kentucky. The monks belong to the Order of Cistercians of the Strict Observance (the Trappists). The monks follow the Rule of Saint Benedict which is a contemplative life of prayer and work.

My Absence From Posting & Lessons in Trust

I really meant to post this last Wednesday, January 16 but dealing with weather in Ohio along with the depression, working full-time and other obligations often takes my energy so I tend to sleep too much when I should be writing.  That “confession” aside, perhaps I just needed several days to reflect on this powerful prayer.

First of all, the ruminations for this post started last Tuesday night (January 15) while I sat in church, dark except for the candles gleaming off the Tabernacle, where unconsumed Consecrated Hosts are kept including the “Luna” Host used at Adoration/Eucharistic Exposition; there is always a Host in the Tabernacle (except on Good Friday) so Jesus in His Eucharistic Presence is always present in the Church. So while I waited to pick up my mom Kathy (she helps with the classes for R.C.I.A. — in Catholic “lingo” this is the Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults, which is their journey to enter fully into the Catholic Church), I tried to pray about the direction of my life as I’d hoped to get to the Sacrament of Reconciliation on Thursday.

So in the quiet, I had the inspiration come as if God were speaking: “I have something beautiful (planned) for you, you just have to trust Me.”

This got me thinking. I have a great love for and devotion to the Divine Mercy which is all about trust in Jesus but am I trusting EVERYTHING to Him? Too often, as I continued examining my conscience, do I worry about what other people (and the world) thinks about me? Do I worry about seeking the approval of others instead of only being concerned about what God approves of?

And the big ones, for me, are:

1. Am I trusting the ability to cope (and heal) from depression to Him?
2. Am I trusting the writing vocation (if this is part of His plan) to Him?
3. Am I trusting my financial difficulties to Him?

So I was led to today’s prayer–in the Catholic Prayer Book edited by Msgr. Michael Buckley, an old book that like an old friend returns with wise words when needed. I didn’t know anything about Thomas Merton when I found the prayer; I am still by no means an expert in his writings.  That didn’t matter–what mattered is like long ago, this prayer stuck with me to keep going even though we don’t know the road ahead.  It was a prayer found long before the image of The Divine Mercy with the words “Jesus, I Trust in You” engaged me in my friend Casey’s Emmaus Catholic Bookstore when I was checking out in 1992.

Question #2 on the trust issues is my big one.  See I’ve been struggling with “wanting” to be a fiction writer all of my teen into adult life (and I’m in my early fifties now) and if this is God’s plan for me, why is it always on the backburner?

God-incidentally before the visit to church last Tuesday, a good friend of mine (who came into my life because of my full-time job) told me after our exercise class at the library that God would make the writing happen at the “appointed time.” This friend Jeannie has been a great cheerleader for the writing along with another friend Kaye (also met through my job) who never gives up on hearing about the adventures of Ian, my Scottish detective, and Cate, my American illusionist/escape artist.  So always be on the lookout for occasions, especially the “small” ones, in which God speaks to you about your direction.  As Thomas Merton says, we must trust God “always” even when we may seem “lost in the shadow of death.”

Friday’s Holy Hour, the “Purpose of Me” & Trust

I prayed the Thomas Merton prayer once again at my Friday night Holy Hour. I also revisited a BeautyBeyondBones’ very kind comment back to me on Thursday when she wrote, “God has designed your path just as it is!” All this praying oddly led to a favorite quote by E. L. Doctorow that is my preferred method of plotting stories: “Writing is like driving at night in the fog. You can only see as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.” 

So more questions came to write to Jesus:

Where am I going?

The E. L. Doctorow quote led me beyond writing.  When it comes to my journey, I can only see as far as my “headlights” and need to trust God that as long as I am working to do his will (like the prayer of trust reminds us), He will lead me on the road trip of a lifetime into eternity.

What is the “purpose of me?”

It’s a question we like to ask, especially when doing vocational discernment. Yet in the end, only God knows my purpose as well as the purpose of every other person He created.  But we have to trust.

So it all comes down to that word: TRUST.

May we not fear what may lay ahead or if we made a “wrong turn” in life. Let’s cry out with the words of this prayer, “Therefore, I will trust You always.”

TODAY’S PRAYER MISSION

Say Thomas Merton’s Prayer of Trust in a quiet place and let the Holy Spirit speak to you through this prayer.

As an extra reflection, if you like music, look up a great song that echoes the thoughts of this prayer called “The Long Way Home” by Neon Feather.